~Theme song-To cops theme~
*Bad inanimate objects, bad inanimate objects, whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do when they come for you? Bad inanimate objects, bad inanimate objects*

 

Anouncer: "Welcome back. Now as I said, we will be talking to victims of music stands. Lets go.

 

~Next Scene~

 

Anouncer: "Here we are with Samantha. Hello Samantha"

Samantha: *in full body cast* "Hello Anouncer."

Anouncer: "So, you have gotten attacked by a music stand"

Samantha: "yes.." *sniffle* "and it hurt!!"

Anouncer: "Tell us your story."

Samantha: "ok...well...I was playing my flute and I hit a wrong note, you know how that happens sometimes."

Anouncer: "No I don't but go on anyway."

Samantha: "Well, like I said, I played a wrong note and then my music fell off my stand and then my stand came towards me and then I blacked out. I woke up in this body cast with a hot male nurse next to my bed. ^_^ "

Anouncer: *looks like he just woke up* "thrilling...thanks....now lets talk to some guy now."

 

~Next Scene~

 

*Anouncer is sitting with some guy*

Anouncer: "Now we will be talking to Matt."

Matt: *only has a band-aid on his finger* "HI! My story goes-I was changing my music on my music stand and I got....a....a....A PAPER CUT!!!!!"

Anouncer: "But that has nothing to do with music stands...."

Matt: "Yes it does...my music was on my music stand..."

Anouncer: "oh....thrilling...poor you...." *looks at camera* "Thank you for joining us on 'When inanimate objects attack' Join us next time"

Matt: "Would you happen to have a new band-aid?"

Anouncer: T_T "go away...."

 

~Theme Song~
Bad inanimate object, bad inanimate objects, whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do when they come for you? Bad inanimate objects, bad inanimate objects.

 

Anouncer: "Welcome back. We are now going to talk to the poor victims. Lets go."

 

~next scene~

 

*Anouncer is talking to a girl with scars*

Anouncer: "This is Sissy. She is 16 years old and was attacked by a dressing room not too long ago. Sissy, tell us your story."

Sissy: "Well, like, I was putting on, like, this dress for, like, my prom in a, like, Deb dressing room. I thought it, like, looked safe until, like, I got out to, like, show my friends the dress and, like, the dressing room attacked me!!! They, like, had to rush me to, like, the hospital and I got, like, stitches all up my, like, arm." *she starts crying* "And it, like, totally clashes with, like, my prom dress!!!"

Anouncer: "Awww.....too bad......" *looks at camera* "Sissy wasn't the first person to be attacked by a dressing room...and she wasn't the last either. Now we will go talk to another victim"

 

~Next Scene~

 

*Anouncer is sitting with a guy*

Anouncer: "Hello Rick...."

Rick: "Hello.."

Anouncer: "Tell us your story Rick."

Rick: "I was.....I was trying on this totally rad shirt when I accedently bumped into the door and it bit my arm!!!!!!!!! I was rushed to the hospital and they had to amputate my arm. MY PITCHING ARM!!!! *starts spazing* "Not my pitching arm! why?! *starts crying* "my...my...my arm...why?? WHY?!?!?!"

Anouncer: O_o "umm...thanks...that's it for today's episode. Thanks and join us next time on 'When Inanimate Objects Attck'. Buh-Bye"

Rick: "NOT MY PITCHING ARM!!!!"

Anouncer: >_< "Shut up!!!!"

 

 

~Theme Song~

*Bad inanimate objects, bad inanimate objects, whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do when they come for you? Bad inanimate objects, bad inanimate objects*

 

Anouncer: "Welcome back. Now lets go talk to our pathetic....I...I mean poor victims."

 

~next scene~

 

Anouncer: "Here we are with Stephanie. Tell us your story Stephanie."

Stephanie: "Well, I was sitting in my favorite, comfy, cushiony, cool,...."
Anouncer: "Get on with it!!!!"

Stephanie: "Oh yeah! Well, I was sitting in my favorite chair doing my homework when without any notice my chair just flung me backwards and I hit the wall!! It hurt! But I remember a hot male nurse helping me! ^_^ "

Anouncer: "What is it with these 'hot' male nurses???!!!!"

Stephanie: "It's not my fault he was hot!"

Anouncer: "Ok...thank you Stephanie.....now lets go to the next victim."

 

~Next Scene~

 

*Anouncer is sitting with a guy*

Anouncer: "Hello Jim..."
Jim: "My name is Jim?! Since when is it Jim?!"

Anouncer: "So Jim...you've been attacked by a chair..."

Jim: "AAHHHHH!!!! A CHAIR!!!"

Anouncer: "Obviously you banged your head....."

Jim: "What?! WHO ARE YOU?!"

Anouncer: "Ok.....Thanks for joining us on 'When Inanimate Objects Attack'. Join us next time. Bye."

Jim: "Who are you talking to? WHO ARE YOU?!"

Anouncer: "Forget it....lets go cameraman..."

Jim: "WHO ARE YOU?!"

 

~Theme Song~

*Bad inanimate objects, bad inanimate objects, whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do when they come for you? Bad inanimate objects, bad inanimate objects*

 

Anouncer: "Welcome back. Lets go talk to the bore....I..I mean poor victims." *whispers to himself* "I don't get paid enough for this job...."

 

~Next Scene~

 

Anouncer: "Hello....we are here with Amanda."

Amanda: *waves at camera* "HI!!!"

Anouncer: "You don't seem to be in that much pain....didn't you get attacked by a sketch book?"

Amanda: "What?! You want me to be in pain?! yes..I got attacked by a sketch book..."

Anouncer: "well...pain makes the show more interesting. Show us your cuts from the sketch book."

Amanda: "I only have one cut...see!" *she puts her finger up to the camera* "It's not that bad. I thin kits a scab now..."

Anouncer: *looks mad* "Tell us how your horrible injury happened."

Amanda: "Well, I was drawing and the sketch book just attacked me. What can I say?"

Anouncer: "Did it hurt?"

Amanda: "At first...but not anymore..."

Anouncer: "YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO SAY YES!! PEOPLE WANT PAIN!"

Amanda: "But....it doesn't hurt...."

Anouncer: "I can't take it anymore! That's it for today!"

Cameraman: "But you only talked to one person..."

Anouncer: "I don't care...I don't want to talk to anyone else today..."

Cameraman: "ok..."

Anouncer: "Thanks and join us next time on 'When Inanimate Objects Attack'. Bye..."

Amanda: "But it doesn't hurt!"

Anouncer: "Don't talk to me..."

Amanda: "but.."

Anouncer: "DON'T TALK TO ME!"

Amanda: "ok....BYE!! MY HAND IS FINE!!"

Anouncer: >_< "ARG!!! TURN OFF THE CAMERA!"

Cameraman: *sigh* "fine.."

 

 

~Theme Song~

*Bad inanimate objects, bad inanimate objects, whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do when they come for you? Bad inanimate objects, bad inanimate objects*

 

Anouncer: "Welcome back.." *sigh* "Lets go..." *mumbles* "I hate this job.."

 

~Next Scene~

 

Anouncer: "Hello Chrystal."

Chrystal: "Hello.."

Anouncer: "So, you got attacked by a hairdryer..."

Chrystal: "Yes.." *starts crying* "AND NOW I'M BALD!!!!"

Anouncer: "HAHA!! I..I mean ha..have you done anything about it?"

Chrystal: "I can't!! I'm bald!!!!"

Anouncer: "geez.....sorry....tell us how this happened."

Chrystal: "Well..I was drying my hair and the hairdryer just burned all my hair off!! It was horrible!!!"

Anouncer: "Sounds like it was entertaining....er....I mean sounds like it was sad..."

Chrystal: "It was! My poor hair!!" *sobbing* "My poor, poor hair!!"

Anouncer: "yeah...ok....let's talk to the next person."

 

~Next Scene~

 

*Anouncer is sitting in a room with a guy*

Anouncer: "Hello George...what happened to you?"

George: "uhhhhh...."

Anouncer: "Hello?! Earth to George!"

George: "uhhhhh...."

Cameraman: "umm...George melted his brain with a hairdryer..."

Anouncer: *grumbles* "perfect..."

George: "uhhhh...."

Anouncer: "arg.....That's it for today. Thanks for tuning in and join us next time on 'When Inanimate Objects Attack'.....bye....."

George: "uhhhh..."

Anouncer: "This is so stupid!!!! Why did I want this job?!!"

George: "Because you're stupid..."

Anouncer: "WHAT?!"

George: "I mean...uhhhhh...."

Anouncer: T_T

 

~Theme Song~

*Bad inanimate objects, bad inanimate objects, whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do when they come for you? Bad inanimate objects, bad inanimate objects*

 

Anouncer: "Welcome back...come on...."

 

~Next Scene~

 

Anouncer: "Hello Jessie..."

Jessie: *has an eye patch on over her eye* "Hello Anouncer!"

Anouncer: "So, you got attacked by a golf ball?"

Jessie: *sarcastically* "noooo..I just wear an eye patch over my eye for fun."

Anouncer: "sorry......tell us how it happened."

Jessie: "Well...I was golfing and all of a sudden a golf ball flew at me and hit me in the eye!"

Anouncer: "ok..thanks Jessie....let's talk to our next person..."

 

~Next Scene~

 

*Anouncer is sitting with some guy*

Anouncer: "Hello Paul."

Paul: "Hello."

Anouncer: "So Paul, you got attacked by a golf ball?"

Paul: "I did."

Anouncer: "How did it feel?"

Paul: "It felt...AAAHHHH!!!!!!"

Anouncer: "WHAT?! WHAT?!"

Paul: *whispering* "don't move...there's something on your head..."

Anouncer: "that's my hair........"

Paul: "But it looks so real!!! Call the police!!"

Aanouncer: "It is real...and why do you want to call the police?"

Paul: "FLYING GOLF BALLS!!!! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"

Anouncer: "oh forget it....Thanks for joining us on 'When Inanimate Objects Attack'. bye..."

Paul: "AHH!!"

Anouncer: *mad* "WHAT?!"

Paul: "AN ANIMAL!!" *runs into the camera and it goes fuzzy*

Cameraman: *sobbing* "MY CAMERA!!!"

Anouncer: "just shut it off..."

Cameraman: *stroking the camera* "it will be alright.."

 

~Theme Song~

*Bad inanimate objects, bad inanimate objects, whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do when they come for you? Bad inanimate objects, bad inanimate objects*

 

Anouncer: "Welcome back...again....lets go and get this over with...."

 

~Next Scene~

 

Anouncer: "Hello Caroline."

Caroline: "Hello."

Anouncer: "so, you got attacked by a curling iron."

Caroline: "sadly...yes.."

Anouncer: *grumble* "stupid idiot.."

Caroline: "excuse me? I didn't quite hear what you said."

Anouncer: "Tell us how it happened." *flashes fake smile*

Caroline: "oh! ok! Well, I was curling my hair and my curling iron burnt a hole in the back of my head. See!!!" *she turns around and lift the back of her hair to show an old, gross scab.*

Anouncer: "EW!"

Caroline: "Isn't it cool!"

Anouncer: "NO! Next person!"

 

~Next Scene~

 

*Anouncer is sitting with an old bald man*

Anouncer: "Hello Charlie."

Charlie: "Hello sonny."

Anouncer: "Sonny?......So you got attacked by a curling iron?"

Charlie: "What? no..."

Anouncer: "Well you're bald.."

Charlie: "I've been bald for 15 years."

Anouncer: "So you didn't get attacked by a curling iron?"

Charlie: "no...but my dentures hurt!"

Anouncer: "great....Thanks for joining us on 'When Inanimate Objects Attack'. bye..."

Charlie: "Do you have denture gel?"

Anouncer: "no..." *walks out*

Charlie: "Where are you going?!"

Anouncer: "...leaving..."

Charlie: "But you didn't interview me!"

Anouncer: T_T

 

~Theme Song~

*Bad inanimate objects, bad inanimate objects, whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do when they come for you? Bad inanimate objects, bad inanimate objects*

 

Anouncer: *sigh...again* "let's go..."

 

~Next Scene~

 

Anouncer: "Hello Cindy.."

Cindy: "HI!!!" *smiles a cheesy smile*

Anouncer: "uh..yeah....so, you got attacked by tap shoes..."

Cindy: "Yup!" *giggles* "That's why I have this big mean black eye." *giggles again*

Anouncer: "Must you always giggle?"

Cindy: "But life is good!!" *giggle*

Anouncer: *sigh* "You're so pathetic! I hope your black eye gets worse!"

Cindy: *giggle* "You're so silly!"

Anouncer: *fake laugh* *sarcastically* "yeah, so silly."

 

~Next Scene~

 

*Anouncer is sitting with a girl*

Anouncer: "Hello Britney..."

Britney: "Hi.."

Anouncer: "So, you also got attacked by tap shoes?"

Britney: "Yup."

Anouncer: "And how did it feel?"

Britney: "It hurt, but one of my best friends helped me."

Anouncer: "oh, what's her name?"

Britney: "Amanda."

Anouncer: "Amanda? I had an Amanda on the show once."

Britney: "I know. Amanda came with me."

Anouncer: "The Amanda?!"

Britney: "Yup."

*Amanda comes in*

Amanda: "Hi Anouncer! Remember me!"

Anouncer: "yes..."

Amanda: "I'm healed!"

Anouncer: "ARG!!!!" *starts chasing Amanda*

Britney: "umm..Anouncer..I'm still here..I got attacked by tap shoes!" *shows a bloody gash in her leg* "See?!"

Anouncer: "Not now! I have to settle something with Amanda!"

Amanda: "AAAHHHHHHH!!!!!"

Britney: "ok..your loss..." *looks at camera* "Thanks for joining us on 'When Inanimate Objects Attack'. Join the crazy Anouncer guy next time! Bye!"

Anouncer: "Hey!! I'm supposed to say that!"

Britney: "You're too busy...remember..."

 

~Theme Song~

*Bad inanimate objects, bad inanimate objects, whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do when they come for you? Bad inanimate objects, bad inanimate objects*

 

Anouncer: "ok..let's go..."

 

~Next Scene~

 

Anouncer: "Here we are with Jason. Hello Jason.."

Jason: "Hi!"

Anouncer: "So, you have gotten attacked by a video camera?"

Jason: "Yes, see, I don't have an ear anymore."

Anouncer: "...oh..."

Jason: "It was very bloody! It happened at my birthday party!"

Anouncer: "oh...happy birthday.."

Jason: "It obviously wasn't happy....SINCE I LOST MY EAR!!!"

Anouncer: "o..oh...sorry.."

Jason: *starts crying* "You are so mean!! I HATE YOU!!"

Anouncer: "but...I HATE YOU TO!! ...stupid kids..."

 

~Next Scene~

 

*Anouncer is sitting with some guy*

Anouncer: "Hello Steven.."

Steven: "A camera?! Where?!"

Anouncer: "Right there" *points to camera* "But don't worry, it won't attack you."

Steven: "Yes it will!!!!!!!! AAAHHHH!!!"

*the camera accidently slips and rams into Steven*

Steven: "AAAHHH!!! SAVE ME!!"

Anouncer: "hee...heee..heee..HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" *starts laughing hysterically*

Cameraman: "Oh my god...he's laughing...oh well...thanks for joining Anouncer and the people on 'When Inanimate Objects Attack'...Bye!!" *looks at Anouncer* "Stop laughing!!"

Cameraman: "umm...Anouncer...we decided not to do that.."

Anouncer: "But!!!!" *grumbles* "not fair...."

 

~Theme Song~

*Bad inanimate objects, bad inanimate objects, whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do when they come for you? Bad inanimate objects, bad inanimate objects*

 

Anouncer: "Welcome back...today we will be revisiting people from past episodes...let's go..."

 

~Next Scene~

 

Anouncer: "Welcome back Britney."

Britney: "hmph...."

Anouncer: "What?"

Britney: "You don't have time for me."

Anouncer: "But...oh fine...tell us how you are now feeling now that it has been a few weeks since your accident."

Britney: "I'm fine now.."

Anouncer: "Well...did it hurt?"

Britney: "Yes, but you don't care so bye...." *gets up and walks away*

Anouncer: "umm...ok..."

 

~Next Scene~

 

Anouncer: "Welcome back Chrystal..."

Chrystal: "Hello."

Anouncer: "I see your hair is growing back."

Chrystal: "yup!"

Anouncer: "Oh well...I'm glad your hair is growing back." *mumbles* "In your dreams..."

 

~Next Scene~

 

Anouncer: "Hello...Charlie..."

Charlie: "Hello."

Anouncer: "Why did you come back?"

Charlie: "Because my dentures attacked me..."

Anouncer: >_<

 

~Next Scene~

 

Anouncer: "Welcome back Steven...heehee.."

Steven: *in full body cast* "Hello again."

Anouncer: "hee hee" *starts laughing hysterically*

Steven: "You're so mean!!!!!!"

 

~Next Scene~

 

Anouncer: "Hello again Cindy...."

Cindy: "HI!!!" *giggle*

Anouncer: "...I hate you...." *looks at camera* "Thanks for joining us on 'When Inanimate Objects Attack'. Bye.

Cindy: "BUH-BYE NOW!!" *giggle*

 

~Theme Song~

*Bad inanimate objects, bad inanimate objects, whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do when they come for you? Bad inanimate objects, bad inanimate objects*

 

Anouncer: "Remind me to make the theme song longer...." *sigh* "Today we will be talking to people who have been attacked by dresses..."

 

~Next Scene~

 

Anouncer: "Hello Leigh."

Leigh: "Hi."

Anouncer: "So you got attacked by a dress?"

Leigh: "Yes...it was a choral gown thingy..."

Anouncer: "so...um...what happened?"

Leigh: "It wouldn't let me take it off!!! I thought it was gonna eat me! WHY?! I don't even taste good!"

Anouncer: "How do you know that you don't taste good?"

Leigh: *smiles a crazy smile* "I just know."

Anouncer: *gulp* "Th...thank you Leigh.."

 

~Next Scene~

 

Anouncer: "Hello Sheila."

Sheila: "HI!!" *smiles*

Anouncer: "uh...yeah...so you got attacked by a dress?"

Sheila: "Yup!" *smiles*

Anouncer: "Tell us about it."

Sheila: "Well, I was trying on my Thanksgiving dress and it wouldn't come off! I think it was trying to stuffercate me."

Anouncer: "Stuffercate? Don't you mean suffocate?"

Sheila: "Nope. Stuffercate." *smiles*

Anouncer: "You are so stupid..."

Sheila: "What's that?" *smiles*

Anouncer: "nothing...."

Sheila: "Oh." *smiles*

Anouncer: "yeah...Thanks for joining us on 'When Inanimate Objects Attack'. Join us next time."

Sheila: "Bye!" *smiles*

Anouncer: "Why do you smile so much?!"

Sheila: "Because I survived a stuffercater."

Anouncer: T_T "oh.."

 

~Theme Song~

*You know...*

 

Anouncer: " I said I wanted the theme song longer!!!"

 

~Theme Song~

 

 

 

~Theme Song~

*Bad inanimate objects, bad inanimate objects, whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do when they come for you? Bad inanimate objects, bad inanimate objects*

 

Anouncer: "Today we will be talking to people who have been attacked by lunch. Bring in the first idiot..."

Lucy: *comes running in* "Hi! I'm Lucy and I was viciously attacked by my lunch!"

Anouncer: "You don't say...." *stares at sign flashing 'Lunch Episode'*

Lucy: "I do say! Would you like to hear my wonderful story?"

Anouncer: "Do I have a choice?"

Lucy: "Nope!"

Anouncer: "Then I suppose I'll hear it...."

Lucy: "ok." *gets look in her eyes like she's going to have a flashback* "It all started five days ago. I was packing my lunch. I wanted to have a ham and cheese, but I ate all the ham on monday. I was mad! I love ham! It's so yummy! Especially the honey ham! mmmmmmmmmm...I love it when my mom surprises me with.." *cut off*

Anouncer: "I want to hear about how you got attacked by your lunch!!! Not about your love for ham!!!!!"

Lucy: *giggle* "Sorry. Well, anyways, I was eating my turkey sandwich in lunch on tuesday afternoon at school. It wasn't as good as ham, but it was still good. Turkey is sooooo good!"

Anouncer: "I thought ham was your favorite..."

Lucy: "Oh it is! But turkey is my second favorite. And my third favor..."*cut off*

Anouncer: "I don't care about your stupid obsession with meat! Just tell us about how you got attacked by you lunch!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Lucy: "heehee..oh yeah...I keep forgetting. Well, anyways, I was eating and....and...I looked at my turkey sandwich, my second favorite meat...do you think bologna is a meat? I'm not sure because it doesn't taste like meat...it's very wier..." *cut off again*

Anouncer: "OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!! That's all the time we have for today...this was so pointless!"

Bill: *runs in* "I never got to tell my story!!!"

Anouncer: "well...."

Bill: *looks at camera like he's gonna say something important* "....HI MOM!!"

Anouncer: "GAH!!!!!" *grabs camera and throws it at Bill* "Now you can be on the episode 'When Camera's Attack'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Bill: "That doesn't count! You threw it at me!! And you already did 'When Camera's Attack'...."

Anouncer: "INANIMATE OBJECTS CAN'T ATTACK YOU! THEY CAN'T MOVE! THEY'RE INANIMATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" *sigh* "I should have stayed in college..."